Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
