You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
