porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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