Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
