I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
