Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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