haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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