Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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