it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i used baking grease as lip gloss
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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