She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she told me i tasted like america
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
