I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
