I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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