she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
