Umm I'm too high to move.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
