There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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