she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
