I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
