Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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