Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think my moral compass just broke
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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