im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
