you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
