The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
