why didn't you poke me back
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
