I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
