I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
