your thong is hanging out like whoa
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
