just tell him i said nine months
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
