omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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