I wanna bring you to show and tell
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
