If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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