I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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