I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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