I accidentally had phone sex last night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
