Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
