omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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