so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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