did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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