is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
