At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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