i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
as a side note pls kill me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
