I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
