my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
