Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
