You're completely useless in the revolution.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
