I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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