he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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