WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
