but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sober January is a disaster.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
