my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
