Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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