wakey wakey hands off snakey
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
