So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
