Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
