I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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