took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
