My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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